Class of 2008 - Seniors
The class of '08 rocks.
Scuttle
Outdoing his brother since 1985, Scuttle can jump 17 feet high. While this number might seem outrageous, it is the truth. Scuttle is an amazing ultimate player, unfortunately he is unable to defend himself from insects and diseases associated with them. If there is a girl that someone on the team has managed to hook up with, Scuttle probably did it first. Able to quote family guy for any situation..."I'm so awkward but luckily I have my Family Guy"Proud member of Team Sea-Serpent Fingerbang.
Smalls
Stats:Height: KneecapsTrailing Jimmy on point block capabilities.Claim to Fame: Destroyer of Salisbury UltimatePresident of Hellfish Ultimate
[Disclaimer - The following should be read in a high whiny voice]"Hi, I'm Smalls, I'm really confident in myself, although I don't know why because I'm really laaammmmmeeee""Hi, I'm Smalls, I'm pretty sure I have something important to add to this conversation, but its pretty clear that I don't""Hi, I'm Smalls, I might knock over tables, use your stuff, break your stuff, point it out to you, and expect you to find it humorous"[A large portion of this was edited for content]
Noodler
There are few words to describe the one that is Jack the Noodler. Often seen dwelling deep within the chasms of the Hellfish House basement, he only leaves his nest to play ultimate and study the nerdly arts. On the field, this squirrelly lefty handler can be seen doing his patented windmill-arm-flailing dump cuts that never cease to entertain the sidelines, laying out on the mark with a 5% chance of success (I think its worked like twice), or laying waste to the opposing team with his backhand huck. On the party scene, he is often witnessed to be running around bare-chested challenging other males to fight to protect his partying territory and assert his manliness (at least he doesn't piss on the furniture). To the ladies, if it's the building of databases that stroke your pony, then this is the Hellfish for you.
Whoppahead
A true southern gentleman, Whoppahead hails from the sad state of Kentucky. He leaves a trail of Ale 8 cans in his wake, whatever the crap that is. Sadly for Whoppa, he lives with Smalls this semester. Famous for his BK King endzone celebration. "Oh, I hated the Colonel with is wee *beady* eye! And that smug look on his face, "Oh, you're gonna buy my chicken! Ohhhhh!"
Unit
6'7". Unit will only be referred to in the third person. Position: Starting Shooting Guard for Harlem Hellfish the team currently dominating the Intramural Basketball court. Have you heard R. Kelly's Trapped in the closet...have you ever heard R. Kelly's trapped in the closet performed by UNIT??? (Tim has a man crush on him, if only they could make giant genetically superior babies...if only). I knew a man Bojangles and he'd dance for you. Unit and Strudel had sex to make Unit's 12 foot daughter, "DU-NIT". She was twelve foot tall, and he taught her how to ball. We heard a twelve foot women robbed a bank. "DU-NIT!!!! you got some 'splainin' to do!!" WAFFLE... HOUSE!!! WAFFLE... HOUSE!!! DERN!! I KNOW!!
Cupid
Facilitator of sexual relations. No one alive asks for more **** than Cupid. You owe most of your sexual success to this man. Jimmy has yet to learn form this man. Replaces Boo Boo as our man to catch in the end zone because he does not want to throw up field (neither do we). Had a delicious cup of earl gray made for him by one member of UNC Darkside. Prone to injury in Frisbee kickball. Sweats pimp juice.
Flounder
Disabled. Hey sorry, Flounder peed in your bed. Hey sorry, Flounder snored all night and you didn't get any sleep. Hey sorry, Flounder drank all your juice. Hey sorry, Flounder owes you 20 dollars. Hey sorry, Flounder didn't graduate. Hey sorry, I *don't* know how to say this... wow... Flounder boned your ex girlfriend. Flounder has spent more time than any other student at JMU on academic probation without getting suspended.
Moonshine
How come every time someone Chinese wanna throw the disc up in the air, some goddamn Mongolian have to come knock it down??!!! Attila the Hun was the last person to cut his hair. Moonshine, although he has played on the team for 3 years, has eluded our capture of him on the website due to his ninja skills. Once you remove Moonshine's top knot he loses his source of power. Left handed, except in horseback riding and sacking of villages. Trailing Slueger in Half-Asian abilities.
At first he wanted to be on the website...
Survey
Survey survey survey....where do i begin. No one really knows where you came from, but apparently your a senior. We love you because your goofy, and quizzes little brother. Its rumored that you have 6 girlfriends at the same time.....this is not yet confirmed....BIG LOVE! Mabbit can drink 5 fortys in an hour, and then make you cry when he gets open on in cuts all day. The facts in this bio have been emperically verifyed by UNIT, our resident statistician.
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